I keep waiting for something profound to strike me before I write here. I don’t know why. Back when I used to blog almost daily, I wrote about the most mundane things and didn’t care if they were interesting our not. Now I feel this pressure to be funny or witty or interesting, and it has me blocked. I need to get over that and just write whatever comes to mind. So here we are.
Of course, the election was a profound moment, but to be honest, I just didn’t feel like commenting on it. I went to Brown and live in San Francisco – I think you know how I voted. This election was weird for me. Back in 2008 and 2012, I remember watching the polls come in and being excited and full of hope and wonder. I cried tears in NYC when Obama won in 2008, sitting in the apartment of one of my oldest and dearest friends, unable to believe that a black man was going to be our President. This year, I just felt scared. I voted for Hillary, but I was so nervous about the potential craziness that could go down regardless of the results. I told my friends I didn’t want to be around anyone, and skipped the various election parties I had been invited to. The fear was real – I didn’t know what the crazy Trump supporters would do if he won or if he lost. Even living in San Francisco, as a black woman, I know that racist bigots are lurking in every corner of this country – I don’t trust anyone. Instead, I opted to spend the night with a smoking hot personal trainer (clearly, I have a f*ckbuddy type) – smoking up and doing lots of dirty things. By the time I got home, chaos had ensued and it was clear that *that man* was going to win. I talked to my best friend and my parents on the phone and then went to sleep before they even called it, since at that point I knew what was going to happen.
I’m exhausted, to be honest. I haven’t had a free moment to myself in a month. Everything has been travel, friends and family visiting, more travel, work. The introvert in me is screaming out for alone time. Now, I’m flying back to New York, for what will likely be the weirdest Thanksgiving ever. I’m the only child coming home, and we won’t have any guests. So that means me, my mom, my dad, and their two Chinese high school exchange students (both named Tony, btw – my parents have a strange life) will be sitting around the table this year. To be honest, though – I think it’ll be nice. No drama. Just me and the parental units. I get to see some old friends and even go to a wedding. I’m looking forward to getting away from the chaos and batshit nature of my life in SF right now. Happy holidays, everyone!